Which of these is a neep? (Images courtesy Wikimedia Commons. List courtesy McSweeneys.)

Warning: don’t read this while you’re eating. Unless you’re a humble British chef.

Custardy lumplots? Head cheese? Either of those sound appetizing? If you can’t eat it in the company of your grandmother, then believe me: you don’t want it. See if you can tell which of these delights below are designed to be swallowed, and which will send you running to your doctor. We’re posting today’s inspired list from McSweeneys: see the full article for the answers …

BRITISH CULINARY SPECIALTY OR TWEE SLANG FOR STD SYMPTOM​?​

BY ELISE S. WIEN

1. Treacle
2. Mash
3. Boilies
4. Clapshot
5.  Sticky Toffee
6. Toad in the Hole
7. Neeps
8. Tatties
9. Custardy Lumplots
10. Wee Spotties
11. Rumbledethumps
12. Bubble and Squeak
13. Black Bun
14. Head Cheese
15. Skirlie
16. Spotted Dick
17. Bloater
18. Salted Swamp Custard
19. Rag Pudding
20. Lumpety John
21. Red ‘n’ Crusties
22. Crumbly Nib-nobs
23. Groaty Dick

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Hat-tip to Jim, who assures me he wasn’t Googling symptoms when he stumbled on the list …